GRATUITY: a gift of money given, above and beyond the payment due for service, as to a ... waiter ; tip (Dictionary.com)

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We've all been there. That awkward moment at the end of a meal when it's time to pay the check. The meal has been mediocre and the service has been less than wonderful. How do I calculate the tip, the gratuity? Under normal circumstances I add 20% of the total bill to the check without hesitation. I know that people work hard to provide a good meal, good service, a pleasant ambiance, and the flourishes that combine to make for a pleasant experience. Many times, without the gratuity they are underpaid. Hardworking waitstaff depend upon their tips to make it worth while.

But when the product is substandard, what is the patron to do?

In an article on the Internet today, two people were arrested for not paying the 18% tip that was required by the Pennsylvania restaurant for the meal provided for them and their friends. The service was atrocious and the meal unworthy of recognition. The police were called and the hosts were led away in handcuffs. The article raises the whole question of gratuities and the practice of thanking people for service at and above the norm. Clearly this couple did not receive the service they anticipated, and their way of reflecting that was to refuse to pay a tip.

Gratuity is a word that comes from the same root word as grateful. It signifies that the donor is thankful for the special considerations given above that required. The amount of the gratuity is variable, depending upon the extent to which the waitperson has demonstrated special care. Unfortunately, the waitperson is often punished for the sins of the kitchen staff or the management.

Ideally, the patron should call the situation to the attention of the management at the time it occurs rather than waiting until the paying of the check. Patrons who do so may have worked in restaurants in prior days and may remember that there are unsavory ways of responding to complaints. Many, if not most, restaurants value customer comments, wanting to protect or build a reputation as a place that cares about quality. But there are places where complaints are treated as negatives, and, I am told, there are subtle but effective ways of expressing disapproval. I have never heard of handcuffs and jail as being among those methods.

Gratitude is a gift and should not be expected. That's what makes this whole issue of gratuities more complex than it should be. I have always appreciated the European method, in which tipping is discouraged. The wait staff and other employees are paid a meaningful wage in expectation that they will provide excellent service and an excellent product. In some places, tipping is considered an insult.

I understand that restaurants struggle to stay alive economically, and that higher wages for employees could be disastrous. But customer complaint and public comment can be disastrous, also. I suspect that if the cost of presenting a quality experience was built into the cost presented to the guest there might be a more timely willingness to express dissatisfaction at the time of service, when a restaurant has the opportunity to correct the situation.

Gratitude can be expressed by good public comments and the return of the customer to the restaurant. It separates it from the economic issue.